MR. DEEDS GOES TO TOWN
Gary Cooper, 1936
Bailiff: Be seated.
Judge: The court wishes to warn those present it will tolerate no disturbances. Regarding the sanity hearing of Longfellow Deeds. Are you represented by counsel, Mr. Deeds? (He confers with someone.) I understand that you have no counsel, Mr. Deeds. In fact, that you have no intention of defending any of these charges. Now, if you wish to change your mind, the hearing can be postponed. (No answer from Deeds) Proceed.
Prosecution: In the interest of my client, the only other living relative of the late Martin W. Sendle, we cannot permit a fortune so huge to be dissipated by a person whose incompetency and abnormality we shall prove beyond any reasonable doubt. I have before me a series of articles, written by a newspaper-woman who was an eyewitness to his conduct ever since he came to New York. She tells how, in the midst of a normal conversation, he would suddenly begin playing his tuba. She tells of his attack upon several of our eminent writers for no apparent reason. I myself, unable to keep pace with his mental quirks, and constantly fearful of assault, turned down an opportunity to represent him as his attorney. This newspaper-woman, whom we have subpoenaed to testify, tells how he held up traffic for an hour feeding donuts to a poor horse. We have photographs to substantiate this whole episode, and other photographs of Mr. Deeds jumping up on a fire-engine. This scarcely sounds like the actions of a man to whom the disposition of 20 million dollars can safely be entrusted. This writer, whose intelligence and integrity in the newspaper world is unquestioned, held him in such contempt that she quite aptly named him "The Cinderella Man." We have witnesses here from Mandrake Falls, his own hometown, who will tell of his conduct throughout his lifetime, proving that his derangement is neither a recent nor a temporary one. We have others who will tell of his unusual behavior, when he invited the great leaders of the musical world to his home, and then proceeded to forceably eject them. Only recently, when he was in the County Hospital for observation, he not only refused to be examined by these gentlemen, the State psychiatrists, he actually made a violent attack on them. In these times, with the country incapacitated by economic ailments, and endangered by an undercurrent of social unrest, the promulgation of such a weird, fantastic, and impractical plan as contemplated by the Defendant, is capable of fomenting a disturbance from which the country may not soon recover. It is our duty to stop it. Our government is fully aware of its difficulties. It can pull itself out of its economic rut without the assistance of Mr. Deeds or any other crackpot. His attempted action must therefore be attributed to a diseased mind, afflicted with hallucinations of grandeur and obsessed with an insane desire to become a public benefactor. Your Honor, at this time we would like to call our first witness, Miss Louise May Bennett.
Bailiff: Miss Bennett, please. Raise your right hand, please. Do you solemnly swear that the testimony you may give before this court to be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God?
Miss Bennett: I do.
Bailiff: State your right name, please.
A: Louise Bennett.
Bailiff: Take the stand.
Prosecution: Miss Bennett, are you employed by the Morning Mail? I must ask you to direct your attention to me.
A: Your Honor, this is ridiculous.
Judge: Please answer the question.
A: The whole hearing's ridiculous. That man's no more insane than you are.
Prosecution: This is outrageous.
Judge: Sit down please.
A: It's obviously a frame-up. They're trying to railroad this man for the money they can get out of him.
Prosecution: Your Honor!
Judge: Young lady, another outburst like that, and I shall hold you in contempt. We're not interested in your opinions of the merits of this case. You're here to testify.
Sit down and answer questions. Proceed.
Prosecution: Thank you, your Honor. Are you employed by the Morning Mail?
A: No.
Q: You're under oath, Miss Bennett. I ask again. Are you employed by the Morning Mail?
A: No, I resigned last week
Q: Well, prior to that time were you employed by the Morning Mail?
A: Yes.
Q: Were you given an assignment to follow the activities of Longfellow Deeds?
A: Yes.
Q: Did you subsequently write a series of articles about him?
A: Yes.
Q: Are these the articles?
A: Yes.
Q: Were you present when all these things took place?
A: Yes.
Q: Are they true?
A: No.
Q: But they did take place?
A: They're colored just to make him look silly.
Q: And you saw them happen?
A: Yes.
Q: That's all Miss Bennett.
A: It isn't all.
Q: That's all, Miss Bennett.
A: I'd like to explain--
Q: I submit these articles as evidence.
A: Let go of me! What kind of a hearing is this? What are you trying to do, persecute the man? He's not defending himself. Somebody's got to do it!
Judge: Miss Bennett, please--
A: I've got a right to be heard, I've attended dozens of cases like this, they're usually conducted without any formality at all, anybody can be heard. My opinion's as good as these quack psychiatrists, I know him better than they do.
Judge: Miss Bennett, if you have quite finished, I should like to inform you that one more utterance from you and I shall place you under arrest. I'm willing to hear anything anyone has to say, but I insist upon it being done in an orderly fashion. When you have learned to show some respect for this court, you may return. Until then you'd better go back to your seat and calm down.
Bailiff: This way, Miss.
Judge: Order in the court.
Judge: Mr. Deeds, do you have anything to say in Defense of these articles? Mr. Deeds? Mark these Exhibit A for the Plaintiff.
Bailiff: Yes, your Honor.
Judge: Proceed.
Prosecution: They're rather timid, your Honor, and wish to be together. If the court pleases, I'll only have one testify.
Judge: Yes, let's get on with it.
Prosecution: What is your name please?
Jane: Jane Faulkner. This is my sister, Amy.
Amy: Yes, Amy.
Q: Well, I'll direct my questions to you, Miss Jane. You may answer for both. Do you know the Defendant, Mr. Longfellow Deeds?
Jane: Oh, yes, yes, of course we know him.
Q: How long have you known him?
Jane: Since he was born.
Amy: Yes, Elsie Taggert was the midwife, he was a seven months baby.
Q: Thank you, that's fine. Do you see him very often?
Jane: Most every day.
Amy: Sometimes twice.
Judge: Must we have the echo?
Q: Suppose you just answer, Miss Jane. Now will you tell the Court what everybody at home thinks of Longfellow Deeds?
Jane: They think he's pixilated.
Amy: Oh yes, pixilated.
Judge: He's what?
Q: What was that you said he was?
Jane: Pixilated.
Amy: Mmhmm.
Q: Well that's rather a strange word to us, Miss Jane. Can you tell the Court exactly what it means.
Aide: Perhaps I can explain, your Honor. Pixilated is an early American word derived from the word pixies meaning elves. They would say the pixies had got him as we nowadays would say a man is balmy.
Judge: Oh. Is that correct?
Prosecution: Now tell me, why does everyone think he's pixilated? Does he do peculiar things?
Jane: He walks in a rain without his hat and talks to himself.
Amy: He sometimes he whistles. And sings.
Q: Anything else?
Jane: Recently he gave Chuck Dillon a thumpin'.
Amy: Blacked his eye.
Q: And why?
Jane: For no reason I guess. He always does it. We always run into the house when we see him coming.
Amy: You never can tell what he's going to do.
Jane: He sure is pixilated.
Amy: Oh yes, he's pixilated all right.
Q: Thank you ladies, that's all.
..
Witness: They kept hollering, "Back to nature, back to nature." And I thought they looked harmless enough, so I took them home. I never thought he was cracked.
..
Witness: At the wedding, he kept pressing me to point out the celebrities. He said, "Help me, Hank." I come out of the kitchen, and there he was moppin' up the floors with 'em. I never figured he was the guy that was looking for trouble.
..
Witness: He threw us out bodily! Bodily!
..
Witness: We was hired as his bodyguards see? Well, the first crack out of the box, he throws us in a room and locks the door, see? Well, if a thing like that gets out in our profession, why we get the bird see? So I says to my partner, "Let's quit this guy, he's nuts!"
..
Carriage driver: I'm very fond of Clara, sir. She's a nice horse. And when this bloke here started feedin' her donuts, I yelled down to him, "Mind what you're doin' down there, mind what you're doin'! Of course, I wouldn't mind, sir, but Clara won't eat nothing but donuts, now!
..
Prosecution: And now, your Honor, if the Court pleases, I shall call upon Dr. Emil Von Holler, if he will be good enough to give us his opinion. Dr. Van Holler, as you know, is the eminent Austrian psychologist, probably the greatest authority on the subject in the world. At present he's in this country on a lecture tour, and has graciously volunteered his services. Dr. Van Holler?
Bailiff: Dr. Van Holler! Do you solemnly swear the testimony you may give in the cause now pending before this court shall be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Von Holler: Yes.
Bailiff: State your right name, please.
A: Emil Von Holler.
Bailiff: Take the stand.
Prosecution: Dr. Von holler, would you kindly tell the Court what your opinion is of this case?
A: This is purely a case of manic-depressive. In a case of this kind, the patient sometimes goes on for years before being detected. Do you remember in Dr. Melar's book there are some very fine examples, especially the one of the young nobleman, do you remember?
Q: Oh yes, yes, of course, Dr.Von Holler, very interesting.
A: It reminds me very much of this one. It takes so long to detect them, because they're mood changes so often and so quickly. Now, your Honor, may I show you? May I use the chart?
Judge: By all means.
A: (pointing to a chart) Below here they are extremely depressed. Melancholy, impossible to live with, and apt to become violent. From this mood, the manic-depressive might gradually change until he reach this stage. Here is lucidity, here they're perfectly normal, as normal as you or I. Assuming, of course, that we are normal. Then the mood changes again until we reach this stage, a state of highest exaltation. Here everything is fine. Here the world is beautiful. Here they are so elated, how to express it, they would give the shirts off their backs.
Prosecution: Dr. Von Holler, how would you say that applies to Mr. Deed's case?
A: The symptoms are obvious. It was here, on top of the wave, he felt nothing but kindliness and warmth towards his fellow man. He wanted to have them around him. So he decided to have a big reception, but in the meantime, his mood had changed. He is now at the bottom of the wave, depressed, melancholy, so when his guests arrive, he throws them out. They are now his imaginary enemies. Other instances of high elations are when he plays his tuba, when he writes his poetry, when he chases fire engines in his desire to help humanity. This is contrasted with his present mood, which is so low that even the instinct for self-preservation is lacking. The man is correct. Your Honor, this is decidedly a case of manic-depressive.
Prosecution: Thank you very much, Dr. Van Holler. Your Honor, we rest.
..
Judge: Mr. Deeds, before the court arrives at a decision, isn't there anything you wish to say?
(Mr. deeds refuses to speak.)
Judge: Mr. Deeds, in view of the extensive testimony and your continued silence, and on the recommendation of the doctors, the Court considers it advisable for your own safety, that you be committed to an institution as prescribed by law. You need medical attention, Mr. Deeds. Perhaps in a little while ..
Girl: No, no, no! Wait a minute! You can't do it! You've got to make him talk!
Prosecution: Your Honor, I object!
Girl: Oh darling, please, I know everything I've done, I know how horrible I've been--
Prosecution: Your Honor, I object!
Girl: --never see me again, do this for me!
Judge: Miss Bennett, please!
Girl: (yelling) You said I could speak! You said I could have my say if I were rational! I'm rational! Please let me take the witness chair! Your Honor, he must be made to defend himself before you arrive at a decision!
Judge: Very well, take the stand.
Girl: Oh, thank you.
Prosecution: Your Honor, what she's saying has no bearing on the case! I object!
Judge: Let her speak.
Girl: I know why he won't defend himself. That has a bearing on the case, hasn't it? He's been hurt. He's been hurt by everybody he's met since he came here--principally by me. He's been the victim of every conniving crook in town. The newspapers pounced on him, made him a target for their feeble humor. I was smarter than the rest of them. I got closer to him, so I could laugh louder. Why shouldn't he keep quiet? Every time he said anything, it was twisted around to sound imbecilic. He can thank me for it. I handed the <unintelligible> It's a fitting climax to my sense of humor.
Prosecution: Your Honor, this is preposterous.
Girl: Certainly, I wrote those articles. I was going to get a raise, a month's vacation. But I stopped writing them when I found out what he was all about, when I realized how real he was. He could never fit in with our distorted viewpoints, because he's honest and sincere and good. If that man's crazy, your Honor, then the rest of us belong in strait jackets.
Prosecution: Your Honor, this is absurd! The woman's obviously in love with him!
Girl: What's that got to do with it?
Prosecution: Well, you are in love with him, aren't you?
Girl: What's that got to do with it?
Prosecution: Well, you are, aren't you?
Girl: Yes.
Prosecution: Your Honor, her testimony is of no value. Why shouldn't she defend him? It's typical American womanhood--the instinct to protect the weak. I'm not saying that nobody likes the boy. I cherish a fond affection for him myself, but that doesn't mean to say--
Editor: When the windbag here gets through, your Honor, I'd like to verify what Miss Bennett said. I'm her editor. When she quit her job, she told me what a swell fellow this man was, and anything babe Bennett says is okay with me.
Judge: If you have anything to say, you will take the stand.
Editor: I've already said it your Honor. I just thought I'd like to get my two cents in. (To Deeds) Don't be a sucker pal. Stand up and speak your peace.
Friend: Your Honor, I got a couple of cents I'd like to put in.
Judge: Sit down.
Friend: I've been with this man ever since he came to New York--
Judge: Sit down. There will be no further interruptions.
Audience: How about us Mr. Deeds. Yeah, what about us Mr. Deeds? You're not going to leave us out in the cold?
Judge: In the interest of Mr. Deeds, I have tolerated a great deal of informality. But if there is one more outburst, I shall have the courtroom cleared.
Mr. Deeds: Your Honor, I'd like to get in my two cents worth.
Judge: Take the stand. Proceed.
Deeds: Well, I don't know where to begin, there's been so many things said about me, that I . About my playing the tuba. It seems like a lot of fuss has been made about that. If a man's crazy just because he plays the tuba, then somebody better look into it, because there are a lot of tuba players running around loose. Of course, I don't see any harm in it. I play mine whenever I want to concentrate. That may sound funny to some people, but everybody does something silly when they're thinking. For instance, the Judge here is an O-filler.
Judge: A what?
Deeds: An O-filler. You fill in all the spaces in the O's with your pencil. I was watching you. That may make you look a little crazy, your Honor, just sitting around filling in O's, but I don't see anything wrong, because that helps you think. Other people are doodlers.
Judge: Doodlers?
Deeds: That's a name we made up back home for people who make foolish designs on paper when they're thinking. It's called doodling. Almost everybody's a doodler. Did you ever see a scratch pad in a telephone booth? People draw the most idiotic pictures when they're thinking. Dr. Von Holler could probably think of a long name for it, because he doodles all the time.
(He takes Von Hollers scratch paper.)
Thank you. This is a piece of paper he was scribbling on. I can't figure it out. One minute it looks like a chimpanzee, the next minute it looks like a picture of Mr. Cedar. You look at it, Judge. Exhibit A for the Defense. Looks kind of stupid, doesn't it, your Honor? But I guess that's all right. If Dr. Von Holler has to doodle to help him think, that's his business. Everybody does something different. Some people are ear-pullers, some are nailbiters. That Mr. Semple over there is a nose-twitcher. And the lady next to him is a knuckle-cracker. So you see, everybody does silly things to help them think. Well, I play the tuba.
Audience: Nice work, Judge!
Prosecution: Your Honor, this is becoming farcical. I demand that Mr. deeds dispense with side remarks and confine himself to facts. Let him explain his wanderings around the streets in his underclothes, or his feeding donuts to horses.
Judge: Proceed.
Deeds: Mr. Cedar's right. Those things do look kind of bad, don't they? But to tell you the truth, your Honor, I don't remember them. I guess they happened all right, because I don't think a policeman would lie about a thing like that. But I was drunk. It was the first time I was ever drunk in my life. Probably happened to you sometime. I mean when you were younger, of course. It's likely to happen to anybody. Just the other day in the paper I read about Mr. Cedar's own son, about how he got drunk and insisted on driving a taxicab while the driver sat inside. Isn't that so Mr. Cedar? Isn't that so, Mr. Cedar?
Prosecution: Your Honor, I object.
Judge: Proceed.
Deeds: Now about the Faulkner sisters, that's kind of funny. I mean about Mr. Cedar going all the way to Mandrake Falls to bring them here. Do you mind if I talk to them?
Judge: Not at all.
Deeds: Jane, who owns the house you live in?
Jane: Why, you own it, Longfellow.
Amy: Yes, you own it.
Deeds: Do you pay any rent?
Jane: No, we don't pay any rent.
Amy: Good heavens no, we never pay rent.
Deeds: Are you happy there?
Jane: Oh yes, yes indeed.
Deeds: Now, Jane, a little while ago, you said I was pixilated. Do you still think so?
Jane: Why, you've always been pixilated, Longfellow.
Amy: Always.
Deeds: That's fine. I guess maybe I am. Now tell me something, Jane. Who else in Mandrake Falls is pixilated?
Jane: Why, everybody in Mandrake Falls is pixilated, except us.
Deeds: Now just one more question. You see the judge here? He's a nice man, isn't he?
Jane: Mm-hhmm.
Deeds: Do you think he's pixilated?
Jane: Oh, yes. Yes, indeed.
Judge: Mr. Deeds. You haven't yet touched upon the most important point. The fantastic idea of yours to give away your entire fortune, is to say the least, most uncommon.
Deeds: Oh yes, yes, I was getting to that, your Honor. Suppose you were living in a small town, and getting along fine, and suddenly, somebody dropped 20 million dollars in your lap? Supposing you discovered that all that money was messing up your life, was bringing a lot of vultures around your neck and making you lose faith in everybody? You'd be a little worried, wouldn't you? You'd feel you had a hot-potato in your hands and you'd want to drop it. I guess Dr. Von Holler, here, would say that you were riding on those bottom waves because you wanted to drop something that was burning your fingers.
Prosecution: If this man is permitted to carry out his plan, repercussions will be felt that will rock the foundations of our entire governmental system!
Judge: Please, Mr. Cedar. Proceed.
Deeds: Personally, I don't know what Mr. Cedar's raving about. From what I can see, no matter what system of government we have, there'll always be leaders, and always be followers. It's like the road out in front of my house. It's on a steep hill. Every day I watch the cars climbing up. Some go lickety-split up that hill on high. Some have to shift into second. Some sputter and shake and slip back to the bottom again. Same cars, same gasoline, yet some make it and some don't. And I say the fellows who can make the hill on high should stop once in a while and help those who can't. That's all I'm trying to do with this money--help the fellows who can't make the hill on high. What does Mr. Cedar expect me to do with it? Give it to him and a lot of other people who don't need it? If you don't mind, your Honor, I'll ride on those top waves for a minute.
Hey, all you fellows up there, all those who applied for a farm, stand up. See all those fellows? They're the ones I'm trying to help. They need it. Mr. Cedar and that Mr. Semple don't need anything. They've got plenty. It's like I'm out in a big boat, and I see one fellow in a rowboat who's tired of rowing and wants a free ride, and another fellow who's drowning. Who would you expect me to rescue? Mr. Cedar, who's just tired of rowing and wants a free ride, or those men out there who are drowning? All right fellows, thank you, sit down. Now my plan was very simple. I was going to give each family ten acres, a horse, a cow, and some seed and if they work the farm for three years, it's theirs. Now, if that's crazy, maybe I ought to be sent to an institution. But I don't think it is. And what's more, Mr. Cedar doesn't either. Just before the hearing started, he offered to call the whole thing off if I made a settlement with him. So you see, he wouldn't think I was crazy if got paid off.
Prosecutor: It's a lie--
(yelling and chaos)
Prosecutor: I never heard anything so colossally stupid in my life. It's an insult to our intelligence, to sit here and listen to these childish ravings.
Judge: You will please permit Mr. Deeds to finish.
Prosecutor: But your Honor--
Judge: Sit down! Anything else Mr. Deeds?
Deeds: No. Yes. There's just one more thing I want to get off my chest before I finish.
Judge: Proceed.
Deeds: Thank you, your Honor.
(Deeds punches the Prosecutor.)
..
Judge: Before the court announces its decision. I want to warn all who are here that the police have orders to arrest anyone creating a disturbance. Mr. Deeds, there has been a great deal of damaging testimony against you. Your behavior to say the least has been most strange. But in the opinion of this court, you are not only sane, you are the sanest man that ever walked into this courtroom.
END